For the last one week I have been traveling the length and breadth of Kerala as if I m contesting some major elections. And I swear it sometimes can be a real pain in the ass doing that. But the truth is I still like traveling. It is just so much of fun whether you are doing it alone and more if you are with the people who like being with. The trips I have taken till date have mostly been the former category ones. That’s of course excluding the ones that we take to our hometown, which often has my parents and my brother. Both are pretty good in their own kinda way. When I am alone, I’m all by myself. And while with my folks its like we talk a whole lot of stuff that we never think about and lot about life in general. NO. IT IS NO WAY PHILOSOPHICAL. But then we just keep talking, jumping from one topic to another like monkeys playing in the jungle jumping trees. Topics vary from being why I like being an atheist? agnostic? Monotheist? Why are studies so much important? Getting married having kids? Is that the meaning of settled? What about me? Where is the time for myself? And whole lotta other stuff that mau very well sound like crap.
Now then that’s what happens when I m with my parents. Asking harmless questions. But what happens while I m traveling alone is all for me. I can just keep thinking and go on and on why some people act the way do? Or whether I ll actually ever be able to hug my dad/brother and tell thm for one that they are the best and a lot of other stuff? All these thoughts remind me the things I want to be, I want to and at the same time also remind me the things I m not and cannot be?
At the same time, when I take these trips alone I always get scared about what if this is my last day? I mean I think will this bus or train be a wreckage in a accident and just be a headline in some obscure part of the newspaper. These thoughts do get me scared. NO. Not the thoughts of death but instead the thoughts about being alone. By being alone I don’t mean I want companionship. But it is just scary. Its like – if I m all alone there is no one who is going to tell someone else that, his last words were, “blah-blah-blah”. Have been at home alone for the past few days and it is by no means fun. Maybe I am one of those people, if there are any such, who feel homesick while being at home. With few interviews on the way, I ll be busy laying the groundwork for them and I ll again be off to one of those trips criss-crossing the country. Whatever happens, I m going to take it as it comes.
As I write this, there are some creepy noises going on in my room. As if some one is turning over in my bed. I better let whomever that is to sleep or do whatever he is doing.
